Sometimes loving our spouse is not easy (sorry dear). Maybe he hurt your feelings. Maybe you had a long day. Maybe the kids are demanding your attention. We have work, play dates, school projects, hobbies, self-care, and sometimes it just doesn’t feel like we have anything left to give him.
Let’s be honest here, life is never going to get less hectic. Is it? With a new season of life comes new demands. We will always be pulled in a million different directions be it kids, work, friends, grandkids, and so on.
If you aren’t a Believer in Christ, skip this next part because right now I need to talk to my Christian sisters. Ladies, I get it. Sometimes we just do not feel like being nice. That’s okay. We’ve all felt that way before. But guess what? The Bible tells us over and over again to respect our husbands despite how we feel. AND despite what they’ve done (or not done). That’s right, no matter how tired you are or how upset you are, respect him. What does that look like? Well, you’re going to have to ask him. My husband has told me (over and over again) that the best way for me to respect him is to be careful of my tone. Your husband likely needs respect another way. So go ask him! Then, do it. (References: 1Cor 13:4-7, Eph 5:33, Prov 21:9, 1Peter 3:1-2).
Whatever your belief, I ask you, why would you not respect your husband? You married him after all. The most important relationship you’ll ever have with another human is with your spouse. This relationship should be held above all other relationships (except Christ). Yes, even your kids. Even your sister. Higher than your best friend, higher than anyone.
Okay, so how can we all (myself included!) begin to practically love our husbands today tomorrow and every day?
7 Easy Ways to Love Your Husband Today (and Everyday)
Pour his coffee
Start his day off by showing you’re thinking about him. This simple act will take less than a minute, maybe a few more if you’re also making the coffee, but the simplicity of this task will have huge payback. This may mean getting out of bed a few minutes before he does, do it. He will notice this act of kindness, and I think he’ll appreciate it.
Pack his lunch
After he’s taken the first sip of his hot Jo, why not go ahead and get his lunch together? You’re already up (a simple trick: get it together the night before, so in the morning you just have to throw it in his lunch box). If he’s anything like my husband, he gets up in just enough time to shave and enjoy a hot breakfast, then he’s gotta get out the door. If you’re the one cooking that hot breakfast (give it a try!) pack his lunch while the eggs and bacon are cooking. Again, this won’t take more than a few minutes and he will certainly notice.
Already pack his lunch? Leave a sweet note in there for him to find!
Walk him to the door
This is the last thing you have to do before the sun comes up, I promise. Maybe this seems extreme or silly, but again it’s just another way for him to see that you’re thinking about him and not the kids or what you need to do to start your day. Our men love knowing that we are here to support and care for them.
Send him an encouraging text/email
Okay, now that you’ve recovered from your unusually long morning we need to let him know that despite the millions of things going on at home or work right now, that he’s on our mind. Send him an encouraging text or email. It can be as short as, “Hope your day is going well. I love you,” or “Can’t wait to see you tonight!”. He might be trying to juggle dozens of things at work and hearing from you may be what keeps him going.
Stop what you’re doing.
You just heard his car pull up the driveway and you’re trying to cook supper and pacify the baby, and neither are turning out the way you had planned. Or maybe you’re elbow deep in your favorite show or this post! Stop what you’re doing (unless doing so will burn the house down and in that case turn the burner down to low) and greet him with a smile and kiss. My husband has told me over and over again that this is one of the best parts of his day. Keep in mind that his job might be stressful and he may be surrounded by EGR’s (Extra Grace Required) all day. He is drained mentally and physically and the sight of his wife’s smile and open arms is the exact thing he needs. The kids can wait, the show isn’t that good anyway, and you can just scrap the burned edges into the trash. He needs you.
Touch him. Look at him.
Even if your husband isn’t a physical touch kind of guy, feeling your presence will inevitably result in him feeling loved. I won’t get too “psychological” on you here, but oxytocin (the “love” hormone) is released even from simply touching one another. The release of this hormone is believed to trigger trust, bonding, generosity, and a reduction of fear.
When our husband feels connected to us, both literally and figuratively, he is put at ease. Touch him as often as you can. Maybe you brush his shoulder as you pass him by. Snuggle up close while you’re sitting on the couch. Find every excuse to literally make him feel you.
Kiss him goodnight.
Let’s end the day the same way it started. As you’re climbing into bed, as tired as you both may be, try not to let the light go out without kissing him good night. Bonus points for throwing in an “I love you” too! Again, a simple act that could result in great reward, your husband feeling loved, respected, and secure.
Now, I’m not necessarily suggesting you do all of these in one day, you certainly can, but if none of these actions are things you’ve really ever done before, it may seem awkward and we don’t want that. These actions are meant to be genuine from the giver (you) and the receiver (him). If it becomes awkward, that could backfire. If he does ask about the change, be honest. You don’t have to tell him, “Yeah, this woman who writes on The Ezer Wife shared 8 ways I could love you today so I thought I’d give it a try to see if she actually knows what she’s talking about”. Not that I don’t think these actions will work, but I don’t want to take credit for what you’re doing. I’m just suggesting, you’re the one doing it. Maybe just tell him that you’d like to try to show him more affection to him. By opening up this dialogue, he may even share with you exact ways you can do that for him.
Take these as suggestions and make them work for your marriage. Maybe he doesn’t drink coffee or have his phone with him during the day. The real challenge here is to find ways, simple ways, for us to connect with our husband throughout the day. Now, get to bed, you’ve got an early morning tomorrow!